Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
