my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
