Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
