Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
