There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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