I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize