I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
