In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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