Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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