I want to have your abortion
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
