you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
