Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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