Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize