overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
