Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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