this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
