I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
