Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
