yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
