Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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