I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
