im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
