Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
