Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
