I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
