have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
