Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
