Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
