ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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