I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
