see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
