I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
