Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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