nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you are never too drunk for berry picking
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
