hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Randomize