I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
