i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
