If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
