this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize