The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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