I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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