I wish I could punch you in the face.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
