i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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