You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize