I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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