you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
