He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
