And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
