This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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