Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
