Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
